The Real Katniss Everdeen
by Catching Fireflies
Summary: Song parody of The Real Slim Shady by Eminem. Katniss is one of the most famous people in Panem, although possibly rebellious. But everyone in the Capitol wants to be like her now. And all the rebels wave their burning roses and sing along... So won't the real Katniss Everdeen please stand up?


**Hey, guys! Here's another song parody. I'm full of them lately, since I've got some writer's block for my other stories. I change the point of view a lot and add a few extra things to make it funnier. So... I don't own The Real Slim Shady by Eminem. Or the Hunger Games. :'(**

**Hope you like it and tell me what you think!**

_**The Real Katniss Everdeen**_

[President Snow]

May I have your attention, please?

May I have your attention, please?

Will the real Katniss Everdeen please stand up?

I reaped her sister- I mean, I repeat-

Will the real Katniss Everdeen please stand up?

We're gonna have a problem here...

[Verse 1- Katniss Everdeen]

Y'all act like you never seen a Seam person before

Jaws all on the floor like Peeta's mom and dad just burst in the door

And started hitting her with bread worse than before

They almost divorced, throwing her over furniture (Ahh!)

It's the return of the Mockingjay... "No way, you're kidding

She didn't just say what I think she did, did she?"

And then Cato said... nothing, you Peacekeepers!

Cato's dead, he's rotting in Snow's basement!

[President Snow]

Mwhahaha!

[Katniss]

Obsessed fan rebels love the Mockingjay

[Seneca Crane]

"Katniss Everdeen, I'm sick of him- oh, it's a HER

Look at her, walking around, killing people with her bow

Flipping that three-finger salute"

[Plutarch Heavensbee]

"Yeah, but she's so rebellious though!"

[Katniss]

Yeah, I've probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose

But no worse than what goes on in Finnick's bedrooms

Sometimes I want to go to the Capitol and let loose

But I can't, but it's cool for Caesar Flickerman to eat a dead moose

"My gun is on your lips, my gun is on your lips"

And if you're unlucky, you'll have to give it a big fat kiss

And that's the message that the Capitol delivers to little kids

And expects them not to know what murdering is

Of course they gonna know what killing people is by the time they hit first grade

They got the Hunger Games don't they?

"We ain't nothing but tributes..." well, Titus was a cannibal

Who cut other tributes open like cantaloupes

[Titus]

"Yummy tribute hearts!"

[Katniss]

But if we can kill teenaged tributes and rebels

There's no reason that Peeta and Finnick can't elope

[Finnick]

"HELL NO!"

[Katniss]

But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote

Rebels wave your burning rose, scream the chorus and it goes...

[Chorus- Katniss] (2x)

I'm Katniss Everdeen, yes I'm the real Katniss

All you other Katniss Everdeens are just imitating

So won't the real Katniss Everdeen please stand up, please stand up, please stand up?

[Verse 2- Katniss]

Peeta Mellark don't gotta shoot people in the arena to survive

Well I do, so fuck him, and fuck you too!

You think I give a damn about a victory?

Half of you Capitol people can't even stomach me, let alone stand me

[Gale]

"But Catnip, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"

[Katniss]

Why? So Seneca Crane can die just to get me here?

So you can sit me there next to Cashmere?

Shit, Annie Cresta better switch me chairs

So I can sit next to Finnick Odair and Haymitch Abernathy

And hear them argue over who I like the worst

[Haymitch]

So sweetheart, Peeta or Gale?

[Katniss]

Little bitch, put me on blast on Capitol TV

[Plutarch Heavensbee]

"Yeah, she's cute, but I think she's married to Peeta, hee-hee!"

[Katniss]

I should download his audio on nonexistent MP3

And show all of Panem how he gave me burned bread for free- YUM!

I'm sick of all you Capitol fan groups

All you do is annoy me, so I have been sent back here to destroy you (*BOOM*)

And there's a million of us just like me

Who never cuss like me, who give too many fucks like me

Who dress with fire like me, walk, talk, and act like me

And totally are not the next best thing, and not quite me!

[Chorus- Katniss] (2x)

I'm Katniss Everdeen, yes I'm the real Katniss

All you other Katniss Everdeens are just imitating

So won't the real Katniss Everdeen please stand up, please stand up, please stand up?

[Verse 3- Katniss]

I'm like the Hunger Games to listen to, 'cause I'm only giving you

Things you joke about with the Careers in the arena of doom

The only difference is I got the bow to say it

In front of y'all and I gotta be false and sugarcoated a lot

I just go to the interviews and spit it

And whether you like to admit it

[President Snow]

Nope!

[Katniss]

I just shit it

Better than ninety percent of you other tributes can

Then you wonder how can rebels eat up Peeta's speeches like morphling

It's funny; 'cause at the rate I'm going when I'm thirty

I'll be the only person in District Twelve rebelling

Kicking Peacekeeper's asses while I'm having sex with Peeta

And I'm trying to get drunk but Haymitch's liquor isn't working

And every single person is a Katniss Everdeen lurking

I could be working in the Hob, puking in your stew

[Greasy Sae]

"HEY!"

[Katniss]

Or in the Seam and I'm circling

Screaming, "I'm not in love with Peeta!"

With my feet down and my arrows up

So will the real Katniss Everdeen please stand up?

And put three of those fingers on each hand up?

And be proud to be a rebel and outta control

And four more times, loud as you can, how does it go?

[Chorus- Katniss] (4x)

I'm Katniss Everdeen, yes I'm the real Katniss

All you other Katniss Everdeens are just imitating

So won't the real Katniss Everdeen please stand up, please stand up, please stand up?

[Katniss]

Ha ha

Guess there's a Katniss Everdeen in all of us

Fuck the Capitol, let's all stand up


End file.
